"At best," says management consultant Jennie Lumley, "worrying about what others think makes us reactive when we need to be proactive. At worst, we’re so busy playing the office sweetheart that we lose sight of the demands of the job and our needs."  

管理咨询专家詹妮·伦莉说：“太介意别人的看法对工作没有好处，勉强说得上好的话就是当我们必须积极面对的时候，我们开始有了反应；而最糟糕的局面是大家都热衷于做办公室的好好先生，而漠视了工作和我们本身的要求。”  

This is a particular problem for women professions, Lumley finds. "It’s a childhood hangover. We all long to be the most popular girl in school. Also, girls are brought up to try to please. This need to be liked gets in the way of career progress. At work, men don’t give a thought to what others think so long as they get their way."  

职业女性尤其容易产生这个问题，詹妮·伦莉说：“这是因为童年给我们太深的痕迹，我们都想成为学校里最受欢迎的女生；同时，女孩子从小就被教导要善解人意。而这种要讨人喜爱的心理往往会成为职业生涯的障碍。而对男性来说就没有这个问题，只要他们达到他们预期的目标，他们才不会理会其他人到底怎么想。”  

AT TIMES YOU HAVE TO BE TOUGH  

有时你就要狠下心来！  

Although we would all love to be Ms Popular at home and in the office, at work the task is not to be liked, but to be effective, says computer sales executive Andrea.  

电脑销售主管安德莉认为，虽然我们都想成为家里或办公室的受欢迎人士，可工作的性质不是要求人们要招人喜爱，而是一定要有工作效率。  

"This is possibly the single most important lesson we can learn. You can’t always be popular. You shouldn’t have to be; it’s not what you’re there for. Progress depends on having your own ideas and sticking to them. And that means having the guts to make difficult decisions when you have to," she says.  

安德莉说：“这有可能是我们学到的最重要的东西。你不可能时时处处受欢迎，你也没必要这样做；你的工作也不要求你这样。工作取得进展很大程度上是因为你有自己独立的想法并努力去实现它，这也就意味着在必要的时候，你就得狠下心来做出艰苦的决定。”  

The soft decision is never a real option, as many women find. Pat had to deal with a colleague who had repeatedly been warned about her absenteeism, and now had to be told to go. When Pat tried to fire her, the colleague was so distraught, Pat gave her another chance.  

而很多女性也发现，不痛不痒的决定其实不能解决问题。帕特就得面对这么一位同事，她因旷工已经被警告多次，最后还被勒令辞职。那同事知道自己要被炒鱿鱼时表现得非常激动，帕特一时不忍给了她第二次机会。